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What is an End-of-Life Doula?

An End-of Life (EOL) Doula.. also known as a death doula, provides comfort and support to a dying person and his or her loved ones.   The term doula has long been used to describe a person trained to provide advice, information, emotional support, and physical comfort to a mother before, during, and after childbirth.  End-of-Life (EOL) Doulas are non-medical people trained to share resource information, education and companionship with those nearing the end of life.  As a birth doula helps usher a child into the world, an end-of-life (EOL) doula helps usher individuals out of the world. In earlier times, most people died at home, surrounded by loved ones.  With the advance of western medicine came the move to increased hospitalization and nursing home care.  Although most people would prefer to die at home, many will die in hospitals or nursing homes.   Today there is a cultural shift underway that is returning us to more natural death and dying at home.  Folks near the end of life are reimagining what death can look like for themselves and their families. Doulas work with Hospice providers Far from replacing hospice care or medical support, EOL doulas work with other providers to complement their efforts.  All wish to achieve the best possible death for the client. Therefore, EOL doulas focus on being present for the dying and filling gaps in the hospice and medical care support systems.   While hospice workers focus primarily on the physical needs of the dying, there is strong recognition among them that pain management is not enough.  The spirit must be attended to as well as the body. ...

The Need for Respite

The kids see the need; friends and neighbors see the need, but dad isn’t seeing it at all.   Mom has Alzheimer’s disease and Dad is running himself ragged to care for her. The out-of-town family members urge him to get help, but he refuses assistance, wanting to honor his vow to be with her “in sickness and health”. Dad’s health is rapidly declining and Mom is struggling to do all the household chores while meeting his increased needs. The daughters see the strain on Mom, and Mom is receptive to help. But even though Mom’s health is starting to suffer, Dad remains oblivious. He believes that because his wife has always coped, she always will. A son moves back home to care for an aging parent and tries to provide 24/7 care on his own, because “Mom did that for me when I was a child.” His friends have fallen away leaving him isolated, lonely & depressed. Sleep deprivation, irregular eating habits, lack of regular exercise, loss of social contacts and constant worry all take their toll. Statistics show that around 30% of caregivers will die before the person for whom they are caring. Caregivers exhaust themselves, neglecting their own health and well-being. While easier said than done, those witnessing the caregiver burn out need to make a case for respite care.   The caregiver needs an advocate to step in and support giving the caregiver a break. That break can come from other family members or friends, or from a hired caregiver.   Respite can quite literally be a life saver. Having personal time every day would be ideal, but...

Kindness Matters

“But will they be kind?” This question was posed by a very independent elderly woman who was new to being cared for. A recent health incident left her unable to shower without assistance. A normally fastidious individual, she was yearning for a real shower – not a sponge bath.   And it was important to her that her caregiver be kind. It is difficult enough to bring a complete stranger into one’s home. Harder still to have that stranger assist with the most personal of tasks. Accepting all of this would be so much easier if the caregiver could be a kind person. Her request was hardly frivolous. In truth, those who become caregivers do not enter this field for the great salaries and benefits or for public accolades. Simply put, good caregivers care. Caregivers often become the link to the community for those who are elderly or have disabilities. They communicate with family members or case managers to report any changes that may signal a need for different kinds of assistance. In-home caregivers often run errands or provide transportation for seniors who are no longer driving. Caregivers are strong advocates for their clients, helping to locate the necessary resources to keep individuals as independent as possible for as long as possible.   And yes, caregivers are...